Between Blind Devotion and Blind Hatred
by incestly
Summary: Jasper still struggles with her need to destroy Rose Quartz and her devotion to Pink Diamond, even after she learns they're the same person. Steven tries his best to help.


_Author's Note: This was written pre-Future, so none of the events of Future are taken into account._

Jasper, more than anything, wanted to be left alone.

If she never saw any other gem ever again, she would be thankful. More than that. Because without the Diamonds, without Pink Diamond, she was nothing now. Not even a tool. She was useless now.

So, isolation seemed to be the only answer, at least right now.

But of course, Pink Diamond's kid refused to let her do that.

When Jasper had learned that Rose and Pink had been the same person, she may have smashed something. Or a couple of things. It's just...She had spent so long trying to kill Rose Quartz, for vengeance, to bring both her and Pink some sort of peace. But now she can't even do that, because they were one in the same. And now Jasper was caught between hating and loving her, and Jasper sometimes just wanted to shatter herself so she wasn't caught in this useless cycle.

So. The kid.

He somehow always seems to find her, even if she's sure she hid her trail. Maybe that's just a thing Pink Diamond can do. Who knows? But he always finds her, she yells at him to leave her alone, and he doesn't listen because he's either stupid or stubborn. Probably both.

Today, she decided to hide out in the kindergarten. She hide there earlier on, and she hoped he would think she wouldn't go back there. She, of course, was wrong, as the kid was there, looking around for her.

"Jasper! Where are you? I just want to talk!" Jasper lets out a frustrated sigh, before revealing herself.

"What do you want?" The kid seems surprised for a second, before a grin spreads across his face.

"Like I said, I wanted to talk." Jasper is tired of running, and relents.

"Fine." Jasper plops down, and the kid's grin only widens as he sits across from her.

"So."

"So."

"So. Um. How have you been doing, Jasper?" Jasper puts her head in her hands and groans. How has she been doing? Besides failing her mission, fusing with Lapis and spending too long in the ocean, fusing with a corrupted gem, and being _corrupted_, what she was suppose to say? 'Ah yes, kid, I've been doing expectionally well, despite the trauma of fusion and not remembering the last year due to corruption and being bubbled, despite all that I've been doing fine!'. The kid looks like he regrets saying that, as he can't seem to meet her eyes. "Jasper? Did I mess up? I just...come here." He's making gestures with his arm to make her come closer, and Jasper really doesn't want to, but she feels kinda bad for upsetting him, so she scoots closer, and the kid smiles a bit.

He pats his thigh, and Jasper's confused. What does he want...?

"Oh! Put your head. In my lap." Jasper scoffs at that. Why? She had tried to kill the kid several times, and yet he's trusting her to put her head close to his gem, when she could easily shatter it? Was he stupid? "Look. Jasper, if you wanted to kill me, you would've at least tried by now. So please?" The kid's right, but Jasper doesn't want to admit it, so she just lays down and puts her head in his lap. And then. Then. He's hand is threading through her hair, and Jasper almost jumps up, but resists the urge.

"Um. Look. I know you and my mom had a connection. And...I know you also wanted to kill her. And I just want you to know, I'm not her. And I never can be. But I still hope we can be friends." His hand combs through her hair again, and Jasper may have leaned into the touch, but who knows? "So, let's try to get off on the right foot. I'm Steven."

The k-Steven smiles down at her, and Jasper feels something deep down in her chest. It's strange. She feels...conflicted, really. Jasper has spent so long trying to kill him, and yet here he is showing her kindness. Jasper turns her head, and then she sees his gem. Rose's gem. Pink's gem. And she feels the urge to cry, but she holds it in, because she doesn't want Steven fussing over her anymore then he already has. Jasper has spent so long chasing after both of them, and all that's left of them is him. And maybe that's why she decides to raise her head up, and look at him directly, to address him properly.

"I'll...try." She mutters, and Steven blinks at her.

"What?"

"I'll try. To get along with you, if you let me." And Steven beams at her, and the stirring in her chest comes back. What was wrong with her?

"That's so good to hear! Do want to come to town with me, then?" Jasper doesn't think she's ready to face anyone right now, so she shakes her head. Steven's smile doesn't fall though. "That's okay! Progress is progress! Do you want me to meet you here tomorrow then?" That sounds much better, so she nods. Jasper moves her head away, and Steven hops up and is shaking with excitement. And then he rushes over to her and he's hugging her. And she doesn't know what to say, and before she can think of anything, he's stops, and is running towards the exit of kindergarten. "See you tomorrow Jasper!" He waves at her, and she waves back, and then he's gone.

Jasper plops back down with a _thud_, exhausted from that one conversation. Gods, Steven's energy is on a whole different level. But. It was nice to actually talk to someone, for once. And Steven...Steven was a good kid. And now she had to go and prep for them to talk tomorrow.

Maybe she'll be able to figure this strange feeling by then.


End file.
